Have you??

A post after a long gap.. soriee about that. This is something I am writing direct from heart.. If it hurts anybody, its not intentional.. Forgive me..

Have you ever realised that you are not the same person anymore??

Have you ever looked back to the day when it all began?

Have you ever regretted on taking a road among all others?

Have you

forgotten your passions to come to the level where you are now?

If so, I am talking to you. Here’s something I really wanted to share with you guys.

All my life I was an ideal child to my parents. I am even now. The decisions in my life are usually not taken by me. You will understand this better if you are a girl born into typical conservative South Indian family. There was never an option or choice. It was always a TO DO list, if you know what I mean.

I did whatever I was asked to do. My parents asked me to get good grades and I always ended up topping the class. They were delighted. I was even more pleased looking at their pride. But what I did not realise was I was increasing their expectations.

We moved across various cities in India as my father was in a transfer prone job. I was subjected to study in the local schools which taught the local languages (every state in India, especially South India has a different local language). It took time for me to get accustomed to it but nevertheless I always did well in my academics. My parents started taking it for granted that I was an exceptionally gifted child, who could swim across any ocean. What they did not realise is that I didn’t know how to swim.

Years passed. I was always interested in science all through my high school. I wanted to become a cardiologist. When I discussed the same with my Dad, the answer that I got was “We are General Category people. Even if you study day and night you won’t get a medicine seat. Also I am not a rich person to pay your donations and fees. I want you to take up Chartered Accountancy. I wanted to become a CA myself, but I couldn’t. So I want you to pursue it and fulfil my dream.”

I accepted it. Though it took me a while to get used to the fact, I never complained about it. Chartered Accountancy is also a fairly respected profession, I wont deny that. So I started working on it. Its the first major decision of my life, not taken by me ofcourse.

After coming into this course, I was reasonably satisfied. I was happy that my Dad made a correct decision for me. Now that I am pursuing this course, it seems to me that my parents are not satisfied with what I am doing. They want me to achieve greater heights. They want me to do something exceptional and extra ordinary. I understand that its the expectation of every parent, but to rub that on your child is the worst thing they can possibly do.

All these expectations are so high that I am afraid I might fall and break my limbs just by trying to get hold of them. I know every parent wants to see their child reaching greater heights but they should also be ready to accept the child when he falls down.

The multiple demands pressurised me. I feel so frustrated these days that I end up shouting on every body. I could or can never explain all this to my parents properly. When I tried, they reply saying, “Its okiee. You’re studying hard and we know you can do it.” All I wanted was for them to understand my problem but I end up noticing their confidence in me. It scares me even more. I can never possibly explain it to them properly, because they have given me everything I wanted. They stood for me in times of need. They are the most wonderful parents. How could I blame them for having expectations from me? Afterall its unavoidable.

I just wanted to share this today because I know what it feels like to tackle so many expectations. Parents apart from everyone else should identify their child’s interest and capabilities and try to motivate them in their field of interest. A Child should not be pushed into something just because the parent couldn’t achieve it. In my case, I found the course reasonably satisfactory, but what if I hadn’t??.. All my life I would be sulking in a corner, crying over my lost dreams, regretting about the decisions not taken by me,  which eventually disturbed my life.

I would never dream of asking my kid to become a cardiologist just because I couldn’t become one. It all depends on their interest. I might suggest them suitable fields but never ever rub my dreams and aspirations on them.

I am not blaming anyone. Please don’t take me wrong. I love my parents for every thing they did to me. I am sad and afraid because I may not live upto their expectations. I am only writing this out of pain and frustration. I don’t know if my parents will ever come across this post but I would be more than glad if this influences someone.

If anyone has/is dealt/ dealing with the same situations please comment.
Liked it..? Comment.
If I am wrong.. Comment.
Let me know what you feel about this piece.